Into you

I see a lot of naked bodies. I don’t say this because it’s always so wonderfully constructed like a Magic Mike movie, I say it because it’s real and it’s what I do. I photograph a lot of nude bodies. I am ok with that and I find different reasons to admire each body. There is absolutely a line between my admiration for the naked body I’m photographing and the naked body that I lay with personally. I’ve always been confident and comfortable in my own skin and I always shrug when anyone thinks I should be less than because my body is heavier, because there is more of it than my 5’2” frame should “realistically” hold, because it’s not like what most people view as “normal”. Ok. I get it. I get that you’ve got your insecurities and think I should have mine too, and trust me when I say I do, though mine are more internal. Believe me that internal insecurities are far more complicated than what a waist size is.

What I wonder most is after these people are photographed, completely naked in front of a stranger and vulnerable, do they go home empowered? Do they go home and make love to their significant other like they did when they first met? Do they walk with a little more pride and speak with a stronger voice? I wonder what it gives someone when they’re done – besides the obvious revealing photographs. What does it reveal to them internally? I suppose I should start asking.

I am also beginning to wonder how this work is changing me. I haven’t shared my bed with anyone since leaving San Diego. I am in no hurry, although late nights get increasingly lonely when I seek that warm body to nuzzle into. I wonder when I do share my bed again, if I’ll be slower, more delicate, more conscious of what I’m exploring because it’s finally mine to explore. I’ve always been curious and eager so it’s not that I haven’t had my fair share of time between the sheets. I just wonder what the next exploration will uncover as I’ve been uncovering all of these pathways within myself over the last few months. I want more, that much I know.

As humans we have become so quick for a response that I wonder how much of that is translating into our more intimate moments too. It’s clear our generation now and those coming after us seek instant gratification within just about every aspect of life, so it seems intimacy will be more instant as a result – which is likely why relationships these days are so problematic.

All these swirling, looming, unanswered questions….and now jumbled into this somewhat tangible ramble. I just hope we can hold onto passion a little bit longer....