When you break
I suppose there are certain things you just can’t prepare for. You can research, explore, surround yourself with evident exposure, but really, sometimes you just have to live through it. I’ve been living through a lot of it. I’ve been exposing myself to pieces of the world’s unknown for months now and with every experience I walk away with some form of growth which is not something I take for granted, but sometimes I spin my head around and whisper “really? Why on earth must I live through this – what are you teaching me universe?” And you know, sometimes I find the answer, and sometimes I don’t – that’s just how it goes….
This moment within today, I had a break. I was emotionally spinning and turning through pages of my own comfort and dancing through discomforts that I knew would leave me unsteady but the desire to push through was what really caught me. My eyes feel heavy from it and my fingertips needed to release some of the underlying consequences.
I’ve learned there are some people you just can’t please. While that really deconstructs my Libra tendencies of wanting to please everyone, I’ve learned the hard way that it just isn’t possible. So how do we work with that? How do you pour every inch of your soul into creating harmony surrounding someone and it just flings you blind against a brick wall? You let go. You remind yourself that this isn’t your issue and perhaps they’re not in a place where they can meet you on that road. Most of all, that’s ok. It’s possibly their own journey that they’ve got to navigate through in which your roads just don’t meet. I suppose my aim here is to put into words that I’m sorry we couldn’t meet there, for whatever reason. I am sorry our paths will be different because of decisions we are both making to lead us further away from one another. And this isn’t to a particular someone, it’s just a tidal wave that’s come across me the last few days, especially after I feel so deeply the full moon’s energy and what it’s left me with.
In some aspects I suppose we have to deal with the nitty gritty and the uncomfortable silences of our soul to get to the loud and beautiful messages, though it never seems easy. I just keep thinking “I’m sorry”, even though I just don’t even know what for, or if I have the responsibility to say it…it's just there -- looming about like an unwanted house guest.