It’s been a while since I said much, publicly, in an emotionally charged & semi-organized fashion.
So, here I am...feeling a lot, noticing a lot and remembering a lot.
I can’t help but to remember being poor as a kid but blissfully unaware of what that “really” meant because I wasn’t walking miles and miles just to get water or sharing my bed with cockroach’s and crumbs. No, I wasn’t surrounded by violence, filth and chaos. I didn’t grow up fighting for my life with the longing of crossing a thin-line drawn in dirt claiming that “freedom” is only for those on the other side.
I am so thankful.
I appreciate my life and that I can love who I love without my government seeking me out and putting me in a grave. I appreciate that I can be a Christian one day, Jewish the next, and eventually, settle down as an atheist. It seems that many folks have lost sight of all we’ve got and how easily that can get buried in “hate”.
The amount of pride that is seeping into this greedy and destructive government is mostly, just tragic. As a woman with valleys of empathy, rivers of compassion, and mountains of appreciation - it hurts my heart to see such a beautifully constructed piece of land be so callously misguided by such immature emotions.
I hold tight to the hope that us women can prevail, do what we do best and infuse so much goddamn love and nurturing into the cracks of this busted foundation. I hope we can all find fields to let our kids touch the soil of and only see “lines of freedom” in their imagination while day dreaming of foreign lands they’ll seek when older & travel to where they’ll find themselves within.
I know I sure did. Traveling to South Africa at 17 was one giant leap into a part of myself that I otherwise, may not have ever found & I thank the Universe (and my mother) everyday that I was able to have that journey.
I suppose, on some level, I just hope we can become a society of support and empathy and leave the pride and greed behind. I know it’s a silly little girl kind of dream, but I have always wished for peace, although for a while, I lost sight of that.
There is chaos hidden in our bones and when it decides to line dance with your soul, pretty weird things happen. I had anxiety for years. I had depression off and on, mostly when that warm and frisky sun decided to hide for too long, much like the moon, I gotta pull her back near me occasionally.
I took some pills my doctor said would make things better, but possibly cause adverse affects — and boy did they. I was moody & irritable, which is a side of me that I hid fairly well, except to those closest to me.
I denied some really dark thoughts and moments.
So, I sit here now, not intending to go down this road, but, there is a moment we all get to I believe where something just “clicks”. Hell, maybe it even happens more than once in our lives, scattered over the years. The past 6 weeks of being without sugar has had an immeasurable impact on my life.
I am H-A-P-P-Y. Yes, yes I am.
Life feels real & really valuable.
I don’t want to take this for granted because this beautiful country I am so, so very lucky to live within has given me this. We owe our fellow humans this same feeling. The feeling you get when you’re the happiest - camping in the woods and smelling the tree breezes silently cross your path, going on a road trip and crossing off every national park you kiss the ground of.
Freedom isn’t for sale.
Freedom doesn’t come attached to “luck”.
We should all be fighting for these humans - regardless of the lines drawn in dirt and across a map. We can’t do this alone, we never have. When we are in trouble, we have friends, we have family and we have organizations to help get us out of it. Governments need the same. It’s not enough to say “they should stay and fix their own government”. If only it was that easy.
Perhaps if it was, they wouldn’t be risking their own children’s lives to escape the world they're stuck within, because they weren’t lucky like you and I. No, they weren’t born with “freedom” stamped on their birth certificate.
This is the price we pay for having all we’ve got, it’s time to show up.